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Thursday, March 19, 2015

What's Wrong With Me?

Hey girlfriend! Do you have time for a cup of coffee? I want to share a personal story with you but I promise, you won't hurt my feelings if you'd rather pass. I know we like to follow blogs for upbeat and pretty inspiration but today, I just feel compelled to share something else with you.  I consider you a friend, and as friends, it is our duty to look out for each other, right?

click photo for source

 I know that we sometimes put ourselves and our own well being at the bottom of the list because it is our duty, as moms and wives, to care for everyone else.
I know that, because I am guilty of it myself. 
Well, I became selfish and put myself on the top of the list because I just couldn't take it anymore.

{I had an abdominal hysterectomy on Monday.}

 And WHY on earth would I announce that out loud?
Because if me blurting out my insane TMI story gets one mom slash wife slash bottom of the lister, to put herself first, it's worth it to me to air my dirty laundry. 
Because when there is an issue in your body, it affects SO much more than you think. Because maybe one of you have something going on and can't quite pinpoint what it is and you want to ignore it because you just don't have the time to deal with whatever it is. 
 Trust me, just go to the doctor and get checked out.

 Our bodies are amazing pieces of equipment and if things aren't running the way God intended, you risk other issues to follow suit. 

click photo for source

I have always been a healthy, fit person. I've never had issues with weight, have never dieted, never have been a smoker or drinker nor have had any other health issues, whatsoever. 
In my 20's, I was told I had fibroids but they weren't anything to be concerned with since they were "common". Common by whose definition, I am not sure, but just like so many others,
I passed that as acceptable since a "doctor" told me so.

Today, I will tell you those nasty things have caused me more issues than "nothing". And they definitely mess with pregnancy!

I skipped a year of any doctor checkups after we moved. I excused myself because of the move, trying to find a new doctor was daunting and frankly, I just never made the time. All good reasons, right? Sure, but they're nothing but lazy excuses

Well, in just one year, I knew things were getting wacky.
My energy level had drastically diminished and regardless of how much sleep I got, I was always tired. I had intentions of doing all these great things but my drive was completely gone. 
  It was really depressing but I could not snap myself out of it. Nothing I wanted to do ever fell into place and I felt like a loser. And a liar. 
Physically, I noticed I started bruising way too easily and I just never felt good. My monthly cycle had gotten unbearable and I could not leave the house for two days each month. I knew there was a problem but I didn't think that everything else that came with this, was linked. I became reclusive and when I did go out, I'd muster up enough b.s. to smile my way through visits and small talk. It really sucked. It still kinda does because I'm not through all of this yet. At least I have the why now because all of this right here, is so not me.

I finally had enough and made an appointment.
I found a great doctor and they took great care of me.
I immediately found out that I was extremely anemic.
My blood pressure was high, which was due to my anemic salt cravings and I was low in vitamin D.
I was eating jar upon jar of pickles and pickled okra. The saltier, the better. 
I got a referral to a GYN so I could talk to him about my fibroid friends.
Guess what? Everything linked back to those damned things.
At this point, ultrasound measured my clustered tumor as the size of a large grapefruit weighing between 6 to 7 pounds. 
We talked through all the options but I knew
where we were headed and for me, that was the only solution.
Get it out. ASAP. NOW.

My new doctor assured me that once we took care of this, my other problems would repair themselves.

So we did it. On Monday.

Given my physiology, I wasn't a candidate for the fancy new robotic ways of removal so I had an old fashion abdominal procedure. I'm not vain so I could care less.
Besides, I have a c-section badge of honor already so it wouldn't be anything new.

And that was that. Out she came.
I no longer have to worry about dying every month, no longer have to worry about cervical cancer and I will  regain my old energetic self back. I know it's gonna take a while but I am going to welcome that girl back with open arms. I've missed her so. 

So if you've procrastinated on your own health or put yourself at the bottom of the list for whatever reason, stop it!
We have more worth than we give ourselves credit for.
Taking a little time to get healthy, rejuvenate and get some fresh air in our lungs is a must for our well being. 
If we aren't good, how can we expect to be good for others?



  1. I am so glad you are doing better and took the time to take care of you. That said, you did accomplish much in the last year despite not feeling yourself! Can't wait to see what you do now that you are 7lbs lighter and on your way to being healthy again! :) ~Sheryl

    1. I'm glad I finally did too, Sheryl. Depression is such a dirty word and I know that most of us battle with it although nobody wants to admit it. Sometimes there are physical reasons behind it and lots more times, there's not. Yesterday, I talked myself in and out of posting this, numerous times. It took me all day to decide and I finally did because I know there are others out there like me. We have to help each other take care of ourselves because there is nobody else on this planet that understands us better than other women. Sometimes sharing our "real" selves is a better way to connect. My favorite, favorite saying of all times is, "Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about." It is so true.

  2. Prayers for quick healing for you and good for you to stand up for yourself. I went to my OB-GYN for years in pain and was repeatedly told he could find nothing and he thought it was all in my head. Finally he agreed to a laproscopic look-see. If he saw anything, he would take care of it, but probably wouldn't find anything. When I woke up, he had performed a total hysterectomy. I had endometriosis so bad that it had wrapped one ovary entirely - pulling it down, and was started on the next. I did say - 'so it wasn't all in my head?'...He said 'no, and I do apologize for that'...listen to your body...also had a mole that I said was changing - I was right - melanoma.

    1. We always know, don't we Deb? I'm glad you persisted. We aren't always text book creatures. Sometimes changing doctors is necessary too. My previous gyn never gave me much option. There were pills I could pop to "see" if they would work but to me, that was never a real fix so I just suffered. I just figured that was the way it had to be. He shied away from discussing a hysterectomy because "I was too young". Symptoms don't care how old you are! My new gyn is more my speed and a pro-active doctor. He asked me key questions and gave me options with the answers I gave him. That was it! He supported my reasons and made me feel good about my choice. His assurance of the linkage of everything that was ailing me made sense and I know he was right. My last BP reading at the hospital was in the low 120's where I was in the high 150's previously. Our lady parts play a huge factor in our overall mental health. I'm glad you got your doctor to listen to you and made it through it all. Thanks for sharing your story, Deb. We ladies need each other!

    2. I am so glad you shared your story. I think it really helps all of us to share these things - even if they don't feel like 'polite' conversations. I also know that my history has made me much more sympathetic/empathetic and I pray daily to be helpful and up-lifting to all I come in contact with each day. Hugs and prayers your way!

  3. Thank you for sharing that, Amber. As soon as you said the size of the tumor I knew you wouldn't be a candidate for the robotic surgery. That's okay. That is often a painful healing-because they blow the cavity full of air so they can move the robotic "arm" around uninhibited. You will heal beautifully and feel so much better. Make sure you don't push yourself to do too much too fast.
    I hope that just one person reads this and responds to a "call" to them to go for a physical. It is easy to put off.
    Healing prayers sent your way! xo Diana

    1. I agree, Diana, that's why I shared. I'm one of those, "I'll do it later when it's more convenient", types. We just need to stop discounting ourselves and be a little selfish sometimes. I am following doctors orders. It's been a loooong time since I've been a carefree lounger so I'm soaking it up. My doctor is a younger guy and he admitted to me he hadn't done many old fashion abdominal procedures. He assured me he brushed up on it with a YouTube video prior to surgery. They scheduled my surgery as the first that morning because he anticipated complications. He said that thing almost jumped out of there and it all went perfectly. I'm glad to have it over with and look forward to healing, inside and out.

  4. man o man what a story....I'm so sorry you went through all that and I'm so glad you're on the road to better health! If you helped one person today...your blog was worth the words!!! Go Amber Go!!!

    1. I agree, Gina. I just want to be that friend to just one person. I admire other women that share their experiences. We have such false picture perfect thoughts of other women we follow that we sometimes feel bad because of what we have going on with ourselves. We are ALL real. Some choose just to showcase all the pretty and hide the reality. I'm a shoot from the hip person and not all personalities can handle that but that's okay. Those that "get me" understand. I love my girlfriends and I am not ashamed to show the not so pretty side of me and my life. If it gets women talking together, then I say we show our wounds a little more. We need to be more supportive of one another. We all feel. We all cry behind closed doors. We all have doubt and we all need someone to listen and understand. We certainly aren't going to get that from men! They think we're from another planet. ;) xo

  5. pretty close to my story about 21 years ago...By the time I did something my hemoglobin was at 6 and I would need transfusions during surgery if it fell below 5. It didn't fall BUT it took them 9 hours in recovery to get me awake and I had to see hematologist for 6 months and it took me nearly 4 months to get back to "myself"...I had small children, was super busy and just put it off. Feel better soon :D

    1. Holy hell, Z! Although I wish I would have taken care of the problem sooner, having the boys home was a factor. I couldn't imagine having to take care of babies while recovering. I hope you had help with you. They did have blood waiting for me, just in case. Luckily, I didn't need it but it was a concern. Sometimes us feisty ding-dongs need a wake up call to take better care of ourselves. I think going through this has cured me (and I'm sure others who have too) of self deprivement, Here's to all of us feisty momma's! Cheers (with my fake glass in the air)!

  6. Sing it to the mountaintops, sister. Share, share, share...someone, somewhere, somehow will be helped because you spoke out. When I went thru this in 1995 (which makes me sound like a dinosaur) I was so weak and tired and- well, you know the drill. I felt so much better when all that yuk was removed from my body. It was truly remarkable. I still feel like doing a bootie dance when I pass by the "Lady Aisle" at the store!
    Take it easy and rest, feisty ding-dong!
    Love you, T.

    1. Girl, you have no idea. Okay, yes you do. Today is day 6 and I have lost my retained water and OMG do I ever feel so much better. I never realized how pressure that thing placed on my bladder. Every day is better and I look forward to feeling good all of the time. It's been a while! Thank you for being my crutch, Hyster BFF and giving me a piece of your big 'ol Texas heart. Love you to bits!

  7. Amber, what a great post. First, I am so happy this is over for you, and am praying for speedy recovery and all around feeling more than 100% for you! and soon. I am so glad that you finally went, had it checked out, and took care of yourself sweetie. Then, there is the wonderful sharing from your heart, which is bound to be a blessing for so many, some who may have a light bulb moment and think this is just like what they are going through. Miss seeing you girl, sending you love! Xoxo

  8. Get better Amber and wishing you a speedy recovery! Great words of wisdom! xox


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